


The Road We Take

by MysticallyGallavich



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Gallavich, Love, M/M, coming together, not cannon compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-20 01:59:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9470429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysticallyGallavich/pseuds/MysticallyGallavich
Summary: My Imagining of Ian and Mickey coming together.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I'm so sorry. I've missed you all. I'm back, and trying to get all of my current docs done and my prompts completed. This was originally my Big Bang for this year, and I was all ready to post but life got in the way so here it is, I hope you like it.

The Road We Take :

 

  
“I need you to do me a favor,” Mickey says into the phone as he looks at his sister.

“Okay…” She says slowly looking at him.

“Look…I know he'll probably say no or whatever but can you…ask him to see me?” He asks feeling like a pussy for needing to ask. When did he, Mickey Milkovich become this guy? Who was he and what the hell had been done with the man he used to be?

“Mick…he's…” She starts and he feels the fear rise in him again.

“He's what? He's okay right?” He asks panic coursing through his veins.

“Yeah. Yeah. He's good. When I saw him last he was stable, studying to be am EMT and shit…but he…had...moved on…had a boyfriend.” She says and he sees her wince as if it physically pained her to tell him.

“Okay. Okay. He's good but could you ask…I've been…” He hangs his head. He had to get it out he's running out of time. “having nightmares. I know he's good, someone would tell me if he wasn't but…”

“You need to see it for yourself?” She asks.

“Yeah,” She just nods.

“I'll ask okay?” She says softly and he breathes out in relief.

\--

Mickey doesn't hear anything from Mandy, not like he actually thought he would but the nightmares are getting worse. Sometimes someone is chasing Ian, sometimes Ian is laying on the bathroom floor in pools of his own blood, calling out to Mickey, asking why he's not there. He wakes up every hour panting, sweating, it's getting ridiculous. It's been a month. Ian must have said no. But he needs to see him. He needs to know he's okay.

“Milkovich!! Visitor.” He hears and he nods. Probably Mandy finally getting up the courage to tell him that Ian is fine and still wants nothing to do with him. He wants to chant out a million curses in that ginger fucks name. Swearing to not care anymore. He wants to hate him for leaving him alone and broken-hearted but the overwhelming feeling of dread that comes with nightly visits from dreams of death and pain won't let him not care. Won't let him rest until he sees that face and those eyes and knows that he's fine. Even an angry Ian would be better than what his mind is telling him he'll see when he gets out of here. A gravestone with a name written across it, a name that haunts him.

He looks up and sees him. Ian walking up to the glass slowly, from a distance he seems okay, he's alive at least. Although sadness radiates from him, he's alive and doesn't seem crazed or overly depressed. That's good. Mickey can breathe. He almost turns back around, the knowledge should make it better by something makes him sit down and grab the phone.

“Mandy…said…I should come.” Ian says softly, nervously.

“Mhm. Yeah. Sorry to disrupt your busy happy life man. It's stupid. Just thought something was wrong. Prison does things to the mind. I see your good now. So. Thanks.” Mickey says almost getting up again.

“How did you know?” Ian asks and Mickey's eyes snap up.

“What?”

“That I wasn’t okay. How did you know? It's impossible. When Mandy called…I wasn't…okay. That's why I'm so late. She calls and tells me you need to see me that you think I'm not okay and I'm staring at this...knife, and her voice is in my ears. Telling me you need to see me that you need to see that I'm okay and I look into the mirror and I'm not okay. So fucking not okay and I'm just wondering…how you knew?” Ian says quietly and if Mickey hadn't been listening so closely he might not have heard the strained words.

“I…I don't know. I just…nightmares man. I know you don't want to see me, and shit but I couldn't shake it. Needed to see for myself. You better now?” He gets out.

“Yeah, um, after the call, I knew I needed to get some help. Before I came here and showed you that I was a fuckin’ mess. Didn't want you to see me like that ya know? Couldn't do that to you after everything I already did. Wrote a lot of stupid letters while I was in….you know…but I'm stable again. Meds stopped working or some shit. They're adjusted now.” Ian says sadly and Mickey can tell he wants to say something but he holds it back.

“To me?” He asks.

“What?”

“The letters. Any of them to me?” He shouldn't ask but he wants to know If Ian ever thought of him.

“Yes. My therapist says it's more like a journal than a letter, I suppose she's right.” And Mickey watches Ian like he's reverted back to the shy teenager that he once was, the teenager that Mickey had fallen in love with in the first place.

“If you ever…never mind. Hows the ummm…job and boyfriend?” He asks. Ian stares for a minute, swallowing hard.

“Job is um…was good until I checked myself in. I had promised to tell them if I was ever not okay and I didn't. So, I lost it. And the boyfriend…um…couldn't handle me, long before I got sick again. Guess not many people can, ya know?”

“Some people can Ian,” Mickey says referring to himself. He would stay through that fucker through all of it if he had let him.

“Yeah I know and sometimes people like me are assholes.” Ian shrugs and Mickey can tell how much it bothers him.

“Look Ian. I just need you to know. No matter how I feel about you and what you did. This world is not better without you in it okay? And if someone showed up here to tell me…just, please…don't, you call someone, call Mandy, whoever, please.” And Mickey can feel the tears well up.

“I promise Mickey. I'll try so hard okay? I'll try.” Ian says and Mickey nods looking up to see the warning from the guards.

“If you want to send the letter, I'll read it. If the words are really meant for me, I will.”

“It might make it worse. Make you hate me more.” Ian says and Mickey shakes his head.

“Don't hate you. Have you….seen my son?” Mickey asks.

“I see him sometimes. He um…lives next door.” Ian says.

“Can you…check on him. And tell him I love him? I never realized until I couldn't see him any more than I miss him. Could you do that for me?” Mickey asks softly and Ian nods.

“Of course I will mick. Of course.” Ian says and Mickey stands up. Ian presses his hand to the glass for a second and closes his eyes. He thinks Mickey is gone but he is watching him for a second and Ian looks up to see a smirk on mickeys face. He lightly mouths ‘take your hand off the glass.’ And Ian smiles, more brightly than Mickey thinks he's seen in quite a long time.

\--

Ian sits on the front porch of an old run down house, much like the one he grew up in, it needed a lot of work, but it was his. He had gotten it a while ago, when he was making money, at a time when he had felt like he was building up to a better life, before he had gotten sick again, before everything. And now he had a house that wasn't livable, much like his head seemed to be most times. He looked at the letter he held in his hand. The thick envelope barely able to keep in its contents as he stared at it. Mickey had seemed like he wanted it. Then again Mickey didn't know of the words inside, the words of a barely medicated man, the words of a man desperately trying to hold on to the boy he had once been when Mickey had loved him. His therapist had told him it was more like a journal bot because of the length but because he poured out his thoughts on that paper, that his mind had never truly thought Mickey would read them and she was right. Writing to Mickey was his safe place while he was in there. Like the only person that could ever and had ever understand him needed to hear what was on his head, but he didn't actually intend to send it. He didn't deserve to put Mickey through the mess that was his head just to feel better about what he had done.

He stared at it a while longer contemplating before sticking the big envelope on his pocket and walking away from the house that he no longer had the money to fix up. He needed a job.

\--

Mickey looks up to see Mandy sit in front of him, biting the inside of her cheek. Telltale sign he thinks to himself but says nothing.

“Hey bro…I uh, did that thing you asked.” She says from her seat and he rolls his eyes. Leave it to Mandy to take a month to work up to courage to tell him.

“Uh huh. I know. Gallagher told me.” He says. Mise well put her out of her misery, as much as he enjoyed watching her stew, time being limited in this hell hole changed that.

“What? He told you?” She asks.

“Yeah about a week ago, when he stopped by for a chat.”

“Oh.” She says looking down.

“What?” He asks. He knows that Ian wasn't good when she called him but that damn look, it still got to him.

“He umm, just got out…”

“I know, he told me that too. This isn't about him committing himself. What else?” He asks.

“He had me drive him there, it's just the things he was saying. It was terrifying is all. I wanted to tell you, I should have come here but you were already freaking out. And I just…he didn't look good, at all. Kept saying your name and shit.” She looks down.

“Hey, it's okay mands. It's okay. He came, he looks okay alright? He seemed sad sure. Just lost his job and his boyfriend who wouldn't be, but he's alive, he got help. Right?”

“Yeah, yeah.” She sniffles a little. “because of you. Because somehow even from in here you knew what even he didn't. If you hadn't…god mick..” She says, the tears streaming down her face.

“But you got there in time Mandy. You did that. I can't. I can't call him anytime I want, I can't rush into his house and save him. You did that.”

“And you put aside your anger and saved him again. You know when he told me about Caleb, I actually said he sounded better than you, why would I do that? I'm an asshole.” She admits and it hurts a little but he gets it.

“Hey, I wasn't always so good for him, I get that. It wasn't always good for anyone. Just, uh..when you can check up on him. I know he's better…but for some reason I'm still fuckin worried.”

“Because you fuckin love him.” She says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

“Don't go there. This isn't about my feelings for him. Caring about him being alive has got shit all to do with that.”

“Don't hear you denying it mick. If he walked I. Here tomorrow and told you he loved you back…would you turn him away?” She asks.

“I don't know okay? I don't know about any of that. I just need him to be okay, right now that's all I need. Besides, it's not important. He made himself perfectly clear on those steps two years ago. Okay? Ain't about that.”

\--

Ian sighs as he finishes writing a final page to Mickey. If he was going to do this he needed to add on to it and he left a special letter in there as well. And after deliberating for hours he finally walks to the mailbox and drops it in. No turning back now.

\--

“Milkovich…mail!!” He hears the call and possibly the biggest envelope he things exists for a letter is dropped in front of him.

“Wow. Somebody actually loves you? Who knew.” Brad says beside him and Mickey flips him off and tucks the letter under his pillow. He goes about his day and doesn't think about it until that night when he's back in his bunk looking at the huge letter.

  
Mickey,

I don't really know what I'm doing here. Ya know? My therapist said that writing out my feelings in a journal could be good for me and I tried that but it felt so stupid. Like I was a teenage girl. I imagined you making fun of me for it. Then she says maybe if I wrote to someone, like how addicts write apology letters sometimes, well I tried that too. To write to my family and shit and that didn't work, and when I think of all those I've hurt, only one person enters my mind, the one person that ever mattered. So here I am. She says you're like my safe place, maybe that's why I wanted to write to you instead because I trust you with my darkest thoughts. Maybe she's right. Who knows?

You know sometimes when I'm alone with my thoughts, like now, I think about how it all started. How scared I was when you ran into that store after me. So fucking scared man. Mickey Milkovich wanted me dead. And you would have done it too, thinking that I hurt Mandy like that and if I had done what you thought I would have let you. Funny how things change. Went from a scared kid afraid you would kill me to a scared kid, who was so afraid for you to see what I was feeling. I was so afraid I was nothing to you, so sure of it for so long.

That first time you kissed me, my god Mickey, how come Every time something good happens for us, something fucked up follows. You getting shot after our first kiss, us getting caught after that amazing night together, me running away, and me going all crazy when we were finally happy and fucking good. We were so good. And I loved you so damn much. Did I ever tell you that? I don't think I did. I loved you so much, through all of it. You got screwed on this, I know. I went crazy and then I left you. How could I have done that?

I wanted to set you free. But what is free about being locked up for half your life. And why? Because you were trying to protect my stupid ass. And then after all of that. After months of not feeling anything. Nothing. I get some shit together. Think I'm okay, but damn was I wrong. The feelings started coming back like a fucking freight train or something. I start waking up in the middle of the night calling out for you, crying because you aren't there and then I remember, I did this. I deserve this. And how it went from that to this is beyond me.

I lost my job, and I really hate that. Don't much care about the boyfriend leaving. Oh…did I tell you I had a boyfriend? I'm sure someone did. Probably Svet. He was okay, but not you, never you. I told him horrible things. Like how we never went on dates and only fought and fucked but I lied. We were so much more than dates. We were everything. When I think about you now, I cry, for hours it seems. These new meds, they make me do that a lot. I kind of miss the numbness sometimes.

You saved me ya know? I mean. You have before but this time, you really did. I was standing alone in the bathroom of this house I bought. Did I tell you I bought a house? I guess not. Can't do much With it now. No job and shit but I bought it. Do you want it? You could probably redo it by hand I bet. It needs a lot of work too. Anyway, I was standing there, and crying like a bitch and looking at this pocket knife. And I hurt kept looking at my skin, wondering what it would feel like. How it would feel or look. I dunno. And then, and then, my hands are shaking, I'm calling out to you, begging for you. God, I am a bitch. And my phone rings. I drop the knife, and there it is. It's Mandy. I almost didn't answer it. Almost but I'm glad I did. She's talking about you, telling me about nightmares. That makes me sad. And she tells me I need to see you, you're worried, can't sleep. And I just stare at myself and I know. I'm not fucking okay anymore. And I need help. I can't go to you like this, I can't do it. I remember mumbling something about maybe seeing you but not being sure. I figured if she goes and sees you, she'll just tell you I'm an asshole and well I am. So here I am in this place. Getting medicated again, so that I can see you.

Pathetic right? Getting better so that when my ex sees me after two years I won't be a complete and utter mess. I could refuse to see you I guess. I could do that, and continue to spiral. Or I could stay here and lie to Mandy and tell her I want nothing to do with you. Never admit that the only reason I'm in here is because she called, because the only person that ever mattered, ever truly knew me, knows I'm not okay. How did you know Mickey? I see my family all the time and they don't notice the distant look in my eye or the mania or even depression setting in. How do they not know? And you don't even see me or speak to me for two years and just when I'm falling apart you just know. God, I wish I could get you out of that place.

Even if you never want to look at my face again, I wish I knew what to do to get you out of there. Maybe I could get a good job again and talk to a lawyer. Maybe. Or maybe I could see you more? I don't know if you'll want to see me if you ever read this shit. Me rambling on, you always hated when I did that. Bet you hated a lot of things about me. Bet it's more now.

God Mickey. I love you so much. Fuck why did I write that? I don't deserve to tell you. Fuck it. I'll never send this. I love you. I miss you so god damned much right now. I wish you were here. To wrap your arms around me. I imagine that. I know, I'm an asshole. But I imagine it. Your strong arms around me. You kissing down my neck, biting down. I'd love to wrap my mouth around your strong pulsating cock. And work my way down, I want to hear you yell for me again, like you used to. Beg me to fuck you. Beg me to hurry the fuck up. God, I wonder what it would feel like to be inside of you again Mickey. It always felt like heaven. Nobody ever felt like you. Holy shit.

Well, now I know that this cocktail of meds doesn't affect my arousal. So fucking hard night now. So glad you'll never see this. Shit.

“Jesus Christ Gallagher,” Mickey whispers put as he reads the dirty thoughts in Ian’s head. He wonders if Ian forgot about this part of the letter when he sent it. And damn if it didn't make him hard as a rock, imagining all the things Ian was saying. Fuckin fuck.

Feels so good imagining you every place my hand is right now. Damn it. I think I might. Yeah, slip my finger inside me. Wonder what it would feel like for you to be in there? Do you want to try that Mickey? Oh shit.

And I thought I was fucked up before. Jerking off to the thought of your ex-boyfriend is one thing. Wouldn't be the first time but I just came to the thought of you. Well, I didn't really ever think I wanted that. The things the nut house teaches you huh?

 

Mickey folds the papers and puts them back for tonight.  
He thinks that maybe that is enough for one night. That might have a little to do with the effect the words were having on parts of his body. He thinks he'll yell at Ian for that next time he sees him, for not keeping the little porno portion of his letter to himself, because it just makes him want to do the things in that letter. Pictures of Ian Gallagher fucking him, and in turn getting fucked by him are a little too much to take while locked up in this cell.

Mickey wakes up before he is even woken up in the morning. He grabs in frustration because now instead of nightmares about Ian, he is having an entirely different realm of dreams about his former boyfriend. He looks around, knowing he only has a little time before he has to get up. He sighs and grabs the letter from under his pillow and begins to read again.

The family visited today. It makes me so tired afterward ya know? I miss them, don't get me wrong, not like I miss you, but I do miss them. I wonder sometimes how they are, what they feel about me being this way. They would never tell me. I don't think anyone really would tell me what my getting sick has done to them. Insensitive or some shit. I know it might make me mad sometimes but I still wish they would just tell me what they're thinking. I hate feeling like it'll always be like this. Do I make people feel like they can't talk to me? That's a stupid question to ask you, of course, I do. I gotta put this down for a little while.

Mickey looks around and places the letter in a better hiding spot before getting up for the day. He hears the guards making their way done the hall. Good time as any to stop reading and deal with his life as an inmate. He glances one last time at his bed before standing straight up and he waits.  
  
\--

“Hey, Ian. You find a job yet?” Ian hears into the phone and he sighs.

“Nah. Looking. I know I need to pick up my last check. I'll stop by today.” He speaks to the lady in personnel from his previous job.

“Take your time. You ever think of office work? Something like that?” She asks.

“I don't know. I could try that. Why? You have any companies hiring a half-crazed ex-EMT?” He asks and she laughs for only a minute.

“Sure do. I'm looking for someone to help me out around here if you're interested? I know it's not like being out there on the truck, but it's not so bad.”

“I love that Lydia but I'm pretty sure nobody around there is gonna hire me back.” He says sadly.

“Didn't I just offer? Come on. Come down today. I got you covered boo.” She says and he laughs. He always did like stopping In her office when he was close by and chatting with her.

Suddenly his phone rings again and he looks at the name a few times before he answers.  
\--

  
Mickey wonders to himself if Ian will visit again. Or if at the end of the letter is come huge cosmic fuck you goodbye. ‘Thanks for listening to my ramblings, goodbye’ kind of shit. He sits in his chair, waiting for Svetlana to show up with Yevgeny, he wonders about that too. She still brings him sometimes but more times than not he finds himself waiting to be called only to find that he won't see his son today. He really wants to see him today. When he's called, his excitement is quickly taken from him to find only his ex-wife and not his son.

“Is this where you tell me, you no longer want me to see him?” He asks her and she rolls her eyes.

“No. Needed to see you alone. Boy will be here next week. I call orange boy. He watch him before his interview. He ask to see Yev now.” She says. And he nods.

“Interview?” He asks not able to help himself.

“You forgive him?” She asks and he rolls his eyes.

“What business is that of yours?” He asks and she shrugs.

“Must have then. Usually, I mention him and you shut down. Just now you asked, seemed interested. Like he is about you. Says to tell you he keeps promise. And would like to see you but will wait till you say it's okay” she notifies him. Answering his previous question.

“Tell him it's okay alright. Now tell me about my son.” He says and the shock passes her face quickly. He knows she was expecting a different reply. Maybe more questions about Ian and less about Yev. But he wants to hear about his boy.

\--

“Did he get it?” Yevgeny asks Ian as they sit on the couch.

“Yeah, I think so. But he hasn’t seen it yet, I don’t think. He will Yevvy, I promised right?” And the little boy nods.

“Mama says I can see daddy next week if daddy wants. Do you think he'll want to see me?”

“Of course buddy. You know he asked me about you. He misses you.”

“And you,” Yev says and Ian lightly smiles.

“I hope so. We'll see.”

“You can come to family day too?”

“I don't think so, buddy. That's just for you and mama. Family Day.” He says trying to explain but not able to. If he hadn't of left Mickey it would include him. Now he wasn't so sure.

“But mama says you love daddy. And that daddy loves you.” He says and that breaks his heart. Not because it isn't true. At least on some level but because it hits so much that he tore his own perfect family apart.

\--

Mickey looks at the pages and sees the small smudges that are retracted and written over. He knows that Ian cried writing this part and he doesn't know how to feel about that. Good that Ian felt something maybe? Bad that Ian was crying? Scared of what would cause such a reaction out of him. Maybe it was goodbye again.

God Mickey. I'm so fucking sorry. I did so much fuck up shit baby. Damn, I shouldn't call you that. You hated that shit when we were together. God only knows how you would feel now.  
You might punch me, I'd deserve that ya know? Kind of might likes to feel your fist against my face again. Any kind of contact from you right now, God I crave for it. Even the bad shit. How could I do that? I tore us apart. So fucking stupid. So so fucking stupid. Out of everything I did, leaving you, is the thing that haunts me so much right now. I should of said no when you asked if its what I was doing, pulled you up those damn stairs and told you that no matter how fucked up it was that I loved you more than anything.

  
I can't breathe right now Mickey. At night I yearn for your fucking voice. That's stupid, right? Begging the gods for you to appear, even if it's to tell me I'm a fucking asshole. Why do you care if I'm fine or not? Why don't you want me dead? I do. I want so badly to check myself out of here and make myself feel pain. I deserve pain, so much pain. Not even to end it, as much as I want that, I don't deserve that either. I want to feel all of the pain the world has to offer. I want to egg some assholes on while they punch me and tell me what a worthless piece of shit I am. I want that so badly right now. I bet you wish you'd never met me. Huh? I bet you sometimes think of how great your life would have been of you would have chosen anybody else to love but my stupid ass. You'd be home right now, curled up with somebody that deserves you and you wouldn't be in that fucking place.

Mickey chokes back some of the tears as others stream down his face. He wonders if Ian still feels like that. God he fucking hopes not. Hopes with everything in him that Ian doesn't think of doing those things. God, he wishes he could pick up the phone right now.

-

Ian groans into his pillow as the phone rings in the morning hours. Fucking damn it. His last day before working again and his fucking phone had to go off. He looks at the number he doesn't recognize and almost throws the phone across the room but doesn't. He answers to hear an automated message. Fuck, it's Mickey.

“H…hello?” He stammers out when he hears it click over.

“I have a question for you,” Mickey says into the phone. His tone is hard for Ian to decider this early.

“Okay.”

“Do you…still, think of hurting…yourself? Like to feel pain?” Mickey asks and Ian recognizes the tone. It's fucking fear. Damnit

“Oh god. I forgot. No, no. I mean sure I do but I'm not gonna. Fuck I should have burned that damn letter.” Ian says.

“Fuck off. Don't be dissin on my reading material. Except for that one part. Man, you do know they read through that shit right? That was borderline pornographic man.” And Ian's eyes widen.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck. I meant to…I was supposed to take that out. Ya know? Sorry.” Ian hits his head against the table.

“Don't be. Got me a nice visual image up in my head now. Thanks for that. Bet all these guards do too. Fuckin pervs. I ain't got much time left aight. But Had to ask you. Don't be doing stupid shit okay? Nobody's Beatin the fuck outta you but me. You got that?”  
Ian chuckles at that.

“Alright. Alright.”

“And um, if you want to come up, ya know. That's cool. Svet mentioned something.”

“Yeah okay. I will. Just didn't know, if you wanted to, ya know. After that letter.”

“Fuckin novels more like it. You coulda sent me a letter every day for the last two years and it would have said less.” And he hears mickeys laugh and he fuckin misses that. The way it filters into his ears and makes him feel Completely okay with the world. “Shit. Gotta go. Yippee guards today. Heard you had an interview. Come tell me how it went. Lo…see ya soon. Bye firecrotch.” Mickey rushes out.

“I lo..” But the dead line doesn't hear him. “I love you.” He whispers because he needs to say it even if Mickey might never hear it.

\--

 

Mickey continues to read the ramblings of Ian Gallagher for the next week. Yes the letter is that long. Ian recounts every memory in great detail. And mickeys heart breaks a little for a teenage Gallagher that had long since grown into the man he is today. But it's like A story that if hadn't been living might not break his heart as much as it does. He reads about their lives and he reads about Ian's thoughts during a time that Mickey wishes didn't exist. A tale of a boy who loved a slightly older boy who wasn't strong enough to show him love back. And a story that turns into so much more. Mickey cries silently as Ian recounts his feelings of being caught by Terry Milkovich and essentially losing his safe place In The arms of his lover. Watching Mickey get married.

Mickey is angry at himself as he reads about Ian in the army and the events that follow. Becoming a dancer and the drugs and the men. It makes Mickey sick that he didn't find him sooner. He reads about their time together after and he smiles sometimes as Ian tells about his love for the man who he undeniably can't live without. He shutters as he reads of the things Ian did while manic some Mickey knew about others he didn't. Sometimes he wants to hold Ian, make the pain go away, others he wants to hit his once boyfriend for hurting him so terribly. But he keeps reading. All the way through even passed the break up at tore him apart. He reads about the months after, Ian getting his job and even dating the stupid firefighter.

He sits the letter down several times. Sometimes because he has to, sometimes because he just needs to breathe. But he struggles through all of the words of Ian Gallagher until the end. And then when he flips the page. There's a new letter. It's dated for after Ian had visited him and he breathes in, not sure if he can get through whatever it is that Ian wants him to know. Because the last letter was more bearable in a way because he knew that when it was written, Ian never thought he would actually let Mickey read it. The words might have been addressed to him but not really meant to be read. But this, this one would be intentional.

Mickey,

If you are reading this, you have either finished reading the ramblings of myself while I was in the hospital or set the damn thing on fire. I'm sorry for those. I never wanted you to read them but you asked and I couldn't deny you that. You deserve to read those words, even if those words make you hate me. Because there's a lot of fucked up shit in there. I thought about re-reading it but I know I'd never send it if I remembered every word I wrote in there. And you deserve the unedited version of my ramblings I guess. After everything. You saved my life you know? Not just now but before, so many times. I love my family, but their wrapped up in their own shit, you were always there when I needed you, and even with you in there, because of me. You still saved my life after what I did to you. I will never forgive myself for leaving you. It was the single, stupidest decision my fucked up brain ever did and that's saying a lot.

I will forever regret it. And I will love you for the rest of my life, however long that is. I'm so sorry that I didn't stay. That I didn't push past all the bullshit inside of me and love you the way you deserve. I'm so sorry Mickey. I will do everything I can for the rest of my life to make it up to you. Even if you never want me again like that, I understand. I hope someday you can at least be my friend, as much as that will hurt to only be friends with you, I will do whatever it takes to be in your life again.

I'm trying to get a job and built up that house I bought. Maybe someday it will be amazing like I dreamt it. When I think of it, you're in it with me. Maybe you never will be, and that's okay, but it will always be there for you.

I love you so fucking much. After you get this, I will leave it up to you if you want to see me again. I know it's a lot to ask. After all of this. I'll give you time. Again. I love you. There's one more thing in here for you but it's not from me. I thought it would be nice to finish it with something beautiful and amazing. So I hope you like it. I know you will. And if I never get to say this again. One more time okay.

I love you, Mickey Milkovich.

Forever and always yours,

Ian.

  
Mickey breathes in, the words he had longed to hear from Ian for so long, right there and he was stuck in this place. Fuck. But he flipped to the lasted be page. Which wasn't a letter. It was a drawing. It was beautiful, and he knew it was Yev's even before he read the words sprawled out in a four year olds handwriting, it read. I love you daddy. And he smiled at the picture that had stick figures, of what assumed was everyone Yev considered family. And drawn in. On the other side of Mickey and Yev was a stick figure with red hair. And at the bottom there's an arrow, for him to turn it over and he would probably cry openly if he wasn't sitting in a prison with inmates all around him, because when he turns it over he sees Ian big block letters in the middle. WE LOVE YOU, COME HOME SAFE.

The top corner of the page is filled with signatures from the Gallaghers. Across from that was Lana, Kev and V and the twins and Yev's little messy half signatures. The the bottom left corner, his brothers and sister signed it. And in the last corner was a picture of Yevgeny and Ian. Above the words infinity is forever and that's when he noticed Ian and Yev wearing matching necklaces. And below it simply says. Everybody wants you home. We all love you. And Ians signature one more time.

“Hey man, what's got you so in your head? Love letter?” Harry asks sitting next to him and Mickey rolls his eyes.

“Nah.” He lies. “My son drew me a picture is all.” He says and the other man nods. Because if there's anything most of the men I here can understand getting emotional about it's their kids.

“Ah, I get that,” Harry says.

  
“Milkovich! Visitor.” Mickey hears. And he sighs. Wondering if it's Ian or maybe Mandy. And he wonders what to say to either of them the entire way to the visiting area but he isn't lead there. He's led to a meeting room and now he's confused as hell when he is sat in front of a woman in a nice business suit.

“Mr. Milkovich. My name is Emma Frost.” She says.

“Who the fuck are you?” He bites out.

“Don't you gotta be on a list to see me?” He asks.

“Typically. Yes. And if after today you don't want me to come back. I won't. Just hear me out. After that, it's all on you,” she says and Mickey nods for some reason that he doesn't really understand. She just doesn't seem like the kind of woman you would want to say no to.

“My sister Lydia Frost works with a close family friend of yours. Do you know an Ian Gallagher?” She asks and he just stares at her.

“So he got a job? Good for him.” He says.

“Mhm. Seems he's quite fond of you. Talks about you constantly.” She says with a light but knowing smile and Mickey rolls his eyes.

“And you're here for what? Big supporter of gay rights or something? Gonna get me a conjugal visit?” He says sarcastically.

“Watch your tone. Hows this for a conjugal visit? How about being able to walk out those fucking doors sooner rather than later? How about instead of being a dick, you listen to what I have to say huh?” She says sternly. And he snaps his mouth shut and just nods.

\--

  
“You did what?” Ian asks Lydia.

“Talked to Emma about Mickey. Don't look at me like that. She's a damn good lawyer. Yeah, she's a total hardass bitch, but she's good. You want him free or not?”

“I can't afford her. I would fucking love to be able to give him his freedom. I owe him atleast that. But shit lyd, she's expensive as hell.”

“The good ones usually are Ian.” She says shaking her head and he nods in agreement.

“That's my point. How am I gonna pay her? If he even agrees to see her. Which I doubt.”

“He’ll see her. And don't worry your pretty little head about your boyfriend's legal fees okay?”

“Ex-boyfriend and you are not paying for this.”

“No. I'm not. Look, I talked to her. She agreed to look at the case okay. But I need something from you.”

\--

“No, no, no. And fuck no!” Mickey yells at this lawyer. There is no way in fucking hell.

“Calm down.” She warns.

“No. You are not getting him locked up to save me. It's not happening.”

“Did I say that?”

“No you wouldn't. What you said was, that maybe I was covering for Ian. Are you psychotic? He would never try to hurt that bitch. Even after what she did. Besides he was locked up.” He crosses his arms.

\--

“Are you sure about this? It'll work?” Ian asks Lydia.

“It might. It's possible, right? That the drink was never meant for Sammi? That you put the drugs in the drink for yourself? Before you got locked up?”

“And how did she get in the shipping crate? Huh? I was locked up. If I could, if it would save him, I would do it. Even if it meant putting me away for the rest of my life on that damn hospital.

“Got it handled Ian. The only think you have to worry about is that Mickey did not drug her.” She says and he stares at her. If he got himself locked up would it be enough to take the guilt away? Would it make anything with Mickey better or would Mickey kill him. He was pretty sure he knew the answer to that.

\--

“You find another way. Okay. Ian does not get involved in anything. I will never agree to selling him down the river just to get out of this hell hole. I will do my damn time before I get him send somewhere like this or even an institution. I will not do that to him. And I won't alt him do it to himself.” The woman just stares at him. Not saying a word.

\--

Ian looks up when Mandy walks into his work and leans over the counter. “He wants to see you,” she says simply. He does not speak for a while. He can't. He wants to see Mickey, it's all he's wanted to hear since he sent that damn letter. and now he can't say anything because he's afraid to see him.

"What? You don't want to see him now? Changed your mind about wanting to fight for him?"

"No."

"Then what? This about that lawyer?" she asks, already knowing, he knows. "Don't do anything stupid Ian. Don't. You're seriously thinking of doing this aren't you?" She asks and he just looks up at her and she sighs. "why?" she asks.

"What do you mean why? To set him free damn it." Ian says.

"Okay. so that's all this is? Not a way for absolution of guilt. Maybe it's you sabotaging yourself. Maybe that's it."

"What the fuck are you talking about mandy?" Ian asks annoyed.

"He's so close to forgiving you, ya know? He's talking about you again, to me, to Svet, to Yev, he hasn't done that in a long time, and he's so close. maybe he isn't ready to let it go yet, but he's close, and you doing this is going to throw all of that into the shitter. He's never gonna forgive you for throwing yourself down the rabbit hole, he's never gonna forgive himself if they lock you away." She says trying to get her point across.

"But he'll be free. I'm the one that deserves to be locked away in a damn padded room. he deserves to be free with his son. To live his life, fall in love. To fucking Live, mandy. He did that stupid shit because of me, he didn't fight harder because I didn't make him. This wasn't my idea, but what if it could work? what if he could be free."

"and is this more about him being free, or you not being able to wait for him if he's not?" She asks raising her eyebrows and his heart hurts because he understands what she's saying. He hadn't waited for Mickey. he went crazy and broke up with Mickey and then started dating Caleb shortly after. Too shortly after really and what would he do if Mickey did forgive him for leaving. Would he wait for the next six to twelve years for the love of his life to be released. If Mickey wanted him back, he sure as hell would. and as mad as he was at her for asking he couldn't be really because that's exactly what he had done.

"It's not about that Mandy. He will probably never want me back, and I get that. and if he did, I would fucking sit outside that damn prison until they let him out if i could. But that's a long time, and when he gets out his son is going to be all grown up practically. He'll miss so much damn shit. This isn't about me. For the first time in the last three years. It's not about me. It's about putting the man that I have loved so fucking long, first. and if he hates me, so be it, as long as he's free." He says determined.

"Oh god, you're going to do it. That's why you don't want to see him right now. Because he'll know what you're doing. He'll know and he'll tell you not to do it. Because you've already made up your mind. Go see him. At least in there he can't reach out and smack the shit out of you.”

\--

Mickey waits to see Ian. He needs to see him. Being locked up like this is bullshit. He should be able to find Ian, go to him. Not send his sister to tell her he needs to see him before he does something stupid and Mickey knows Ian. Once he gets this bullshit in his head, he'll do it. So he does something he thought he would never do. He gets paper and a pen and starts to write. Damn it Ian.

  
\--

Ian shakes as he sees the letter addressed to him. Mickey had read his words so it was only fair if he returned the favor. It really was. Fuck.

Ian,

Well since you won't come fucking see me, this is all I got alright. There's so much I want to say to you right now. So much. First. Please don't do what you're thinking of doing. I have to start this way because I need you to listen Ian. If I thought for one second this would work. That I would be free and you would be free with me, I'd say fuck it, I'd be all for it Ian but that's not what's going to happen is it? They're gonna call you crazy. Whatever you did while manic is just that but you think they'll see that? See what I do. See that you're better, no. They're gonna lock you away, away from me. Please. Please Ian. If you love me like you say, don't let them lock you away from me.

Okay so there's more I have to say but at the risk that you'll put this down, I have to say something. Maybe it'll speak to you like your letter spoke to me. And it did Ian. It was like you were there, whispering in my ear. Telling me about us. Except there are parts missing. Because those parts only I know. Like how it used to piss me off how much I wanted you. God it pissed me off, I was Mickey Fucking Milkovich, and Mickey Milkovich doesn’t do feelings and relationships and all that bullshit. And he sure as shit didn’t throw away everything he had ever known or been taught for one lanky red-headed mother fucker, just because of his sweet face, or the way he looked at me. It was fucking bullshit, but you pulled me in, pulled me under water and I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t.

Damn it Ian, you always do that to me, even now. Through all of it, all I ever wanted was to be better for you, and I tried so fucking hard to be what you needed me to be because after you fucked off to the army, I knew I would never be able to let you go if I had you back. I would never ever be able to let you walk out that door again. When you got sick, I fucked up so bad. I was so afraid of them locking you away from me that I refused to face the reality of what was happening to you. Refused to let them take you from me. I should have been better, I should have listened to Fiona and even Lip, I should have. Maybe it would have been different if you would have gotten better sooner. If I wouldn’t have been locked up, when you broke up with me, I could have talked to you, we could of….Fucking damn it.

And now, you’re thinking of doing something, to save me, I don’t need saving Gallagher. I need you. I need you so fucking much, do you understand that? I love you. I still love you. You say that you love me, and god I want to hear those words leave your lips so fucking bad right now, because I need to see you, to look into those eyes, to understand what is going on in that beautiful head of yours, and yes even with all of the muddled bullshit inside of there, Ian Gallagher's mind is still a beautiful one. I don’t care how sick you are, you are mine. Mine, do you hear me? And if you don’t want me anymore, fine, damn it fine, but don’t do this for me. If I forgive everything, will you stop and think before you do this. If that’s what it takes, okay I forgive all of it. Even you breaking my heart, just don’t do this okay. Please baby, please.

God, I’m a fucking pussy. Ian. I love you so damn much. Please, please.

Forever and Always Yours.

Mickey

Ian is crying, loudly and it’s possibly the worst ugly cry on the face of the fucking earth. He is sitting in the Gallagher kitchen crying and fuck it. He know’s he shouldn’t go and see him but he needs to. Even if Mickey never speaks to him again after doing what he already knows he’s going to do, he needs him to understand. He will go see Mickey soon. He will, but first he has somewhere to stop.

\---

“Mr. Gallagher.” Emma says looking up at the tall man who matches the description given to her by her sister-in-law.

“If I do this, will they lock me up? Will they call my crazy and lock me away? And if they do, how long?”

“Let me be clear about something Mr.Gallagher if you walk in here and admit to lying about anything, I can not do what needs to be done. Let me be clear.”

“That’s not what I’m saying. I’m asking if admitting to something of that nature. Would they lock me up? Would they set him free just to lock me up.”

“Ian, Mickey has made it perfectly clear he is not on board with this.”

“That’s not what I’m asking. I need you to walk me through what could happen. I need this. Mickey thinks its stupid because it’s me, if it was anyone else, he wouldn’t give a damn, because well he’s Mickey. Please. I’m going to go see him soon and I need to know what I’m thinking of doing here. What I’m thinking of doing to him, and myself and to us. Because if he’s never gonna forgive me, I need to know it’s worth it.”

\---

  
Mickey feels a little better after a visit from Yevgeny and Svetlana. But he’s still worried, what is Ian up to and why hasn’t he come yet. And his feeling better suddenly turns sour when he is asked to meet with the warden. FUCK FUCK FUCK.

“Mr.Milkovich. You have a hearing with a judge in a couple of days.” He says and Mickey wants to scream. NO. damn it.

“Oh? Any particular reason?” he tries to play it off like he doesn’t know exactly what is happening, that Ian is about to throw himself at the mercy of the court. FUCK.

“You’re lawyer requested it. Did she not tell you? That’s unprofessional.” Damn, he was gonna kill that bitch.

“Oh, right. Must have slipped my mind.” He says and the warden just rolls his eyes.

“I'm not going to ask. Just prepare yourself. Wanted to let you know. You might want to get in touch with family, to get you a suit. Use your time you have on your card. Anyway. I believe there was a request in here. Oh yes. Here it is. Request for an extended visit. Your ex-wife and your lawyer requested a visit with a Mr.Ian Gallagher. Everything seems in line on my end unless you have any objections?” The man asks him and Mickey’s eyes go wide. That gives him time, or is there really any time if there’s already been a hearing scheduled. Fuck it.

“Okay. Yeah, no it’s fine. Just Ian? Or will Svetlana be here? Since she requested it?” He asks curiously. Nobody ever requested one of hose damn visits with him. Even Svetlana, she only ever did the family visit so that Yev could sit at a table across from him, and that was rare anyway.

“No, Just Mr. Gallagher, You will still be recorded and there will be guards present, and your lawyer as well. That is all.”

 

Ian walks down the long corridor as he is lead to a room. It looks more like an interrogation room than a room to visit in, but he walks along with it. The lawyer walks beside him. “Remember what we talked about Ian. They can hear every word you say. Do not say anything that you’ll regret later.” He just nods and does as he’s told as he waits for Mickey. The lawyer gets up and stands in the far corner. Already preparing to ignore them, or whatever.

  
Mickey walks in, and is uncuffed. A guard stands at the door, and Mickey walks in and sits down. He stares at Ian not saying anything. Just stares. He doesn’t know if he can even ask about it. About what Ian is about to do. If he says the wrong thing, sure he’d make sure that Ian couldn’t walk into a court room and lie for him but it would also put him in jeopardy. So he just stares for a minute. “You…You look good.” Mickey says, suddenly wanting to bang his head on the fucking table. This was bullshit.

Ian tilts his head and watches Mickey. “God I want to touch you. Do you know what it would feel like if I could? ” Ian asks.

“Don’t do that. Don’t try to make it better by telling me the things that could be possible.” Mickey says. “You already made up your mind right? They told me about the hearing.” \\\

“It’s not what you think Mickey. Just please, understand. I need to do this. And I need you to know how much I love you. Please let me do this. I love you so fucking much.”

“How long?” Now Mickey is looking at his lawyer. Who doesn’t answer? “How long do they lock him up?”

“I can’t answer that. If I have my way, they don’t. I can’t guarantee that.”

“Will they lock him up here or in a…you know?”

“Considering his mental illness and that he has been diagnosed, and his state of mind at the time, probably a mental institution.”

“Please Ian.” He begs looking into his eyes. “Please.”

“Mickey, I need you. Okay? Please don’t ask me not to do this. Please. I need to. I love you so fucking much. It’ll be okay.” Most of the visit is them begging each other, wanting the other to be free to live. If Mickey wasn’t so damn determined, he would have commented on what a pussy he was being. Since when did a Milkovich think of anyone else but themselves. Well since Mickey had met Ian Gallagher that’s fucking when.

  
“time is almost up. Both of you stand up.” Emma says and they look at her. “You get one hug okay? And it’s timed, so take it the fuck in okay?” she says and the boys nod moving to each other, and there isn’t one second wasted because Ian pulls Mickey in and takes every bit of him in that short damn time. He wants to do so many other things but this has to be enough, and it may just be the last time Mickey will ever let him touch him. So he buries his head in Mickey’s neck until the guards tell them to stop and Ian is ushered out of the room. Ian lets his hand trail down Mickey’s arm as he steps away and whispers a light “I love you.” And he leaves.

 

• - - -

  
Mickey steps into that court room, and he hates it. He wants to scream. Please Ian don’t fucking do this. Please god. Make it stop. But then there they all are. The Gallaghers, the Milkoviches, the fucking everything. And his son, his beautiful son. Who is smiling at him. Fucking damn it. Why does Yev have to witness this and how can Svetlana possibly be okay with this shit.

  
Ian sits on the stand looking out at Mickey. Hoping someday he will forgive this. “And before you went out with your boyfriend that day, Can you take me through what happened? What were you thinking.” And Ian brought in a deep breath. This was going to suck.

“I was so out of it. I umm, I had been medicated for the first time really after finding out that I was…That I have bi-polar disorder. I wanted to feel something, but, I mean, it was so difficult, everyone was watching me, and I looked over, Mickey was upstairs getting ready. You know for us to go out. And I thought, Sammi had these bottles of soda, like three or four of them, and it was stupid I know. I thought I would be back that night. That I could get a little fucked up, and It would be fine. That’s what I told myself I guess.” He says. And the judge watches him intently.

“where did you put the bottle?” he asks.

“In the cabinet. Behind the others. It would be the last one.”

“And when your sister turned you in to the Army did you get angry enough to give that to her?” he asks.

“I didn’t…No. I mean. I don’t know what I would have done if I was home ya know? But I was locked up and I didn’t come back until after everything. I had no idea that she had drunk it, honestly, I had forgotten about it.”

  
“And why didn’t you come forward before?”

“I didn’t want to go back to the hospital. I mean that’s what you’re gonna do right? Lock me up, in a padded room, the crazy kid tried to drug himself, tried to kill himself. At the time, the worst thing that could happen was getting medicated and being locked away. I didn’t want that. It sounds stupid now. I mean I am medicated, and I did go back to the hospital not long ago.”

“In your opinion, Mr Gallagher, are you better now?”

“Better than I was. Yes. Better in the since that I'm cured, no, I never will be. But I am considerably normal when I am medicated. When I’m medicated I remember a little bit of who I was, who I want to be again. Before I got sick.” The judge nods.

“So you are saying. Mickey Milkovich did not drug your half-sister, and did not shove her into that shipping container as she claims? Per the reason, he is currently serving fifteen years?”

“He did not drug her, that I know of. No. I don’t know anything about the container. I wasn’t there. But I don’t think he did. No.” Ian answers. And the judge nods.

“Any questions?” the judge asks the two lawers, who ask whatever they need to before Ian steps down. “One more question.” The Prosecuting Attorney asks. “Would you lie to this court to get your boyfriend released from prison?”

“ex-boyfriend. Sir. And No I would not. I just felt it was time, to tell the truth.” He says and steps down.

What Mickey didn’t expect was what happened next. He hadn’t thought about how his lawyer had planned to explain the damn container but what happened made him almost fall out of his fucking chair.

“And can you tell me what happened?” the lawyer asked Fiona.

  
“Well it was about midnight, and I noticed this huge container outside of the house, it was being hauled off the next day and it was just there, the door was wide open ya know, so I shut it. I asked Mickey to help me because the door was stuck.” She says as innocently as she can manage.

“and did you see anything inside the container.”

“Honestly, I didn’t look. Debs was standing right there with us, none of us noticed anything.”

\--=--

“Did you see anything inside the container, miss Gallagher?” the lawyer asks Debbie and she shakes her head.

“No. I didn’t. I mean, why would Sammi even be there right? We had kicked her out after she called on Ian. Ian was sick, he needed to get better, not be locked up, like that. So I mean we were mad at her, I thought she was just staying clear of us. She said she was when she left that day.” She says.

“So you weren’t mad enough to drug her? None of you?” she is asked.

“Oh god no. look. I hate her, don’t get me wrong, but she’s still blood right? I wouldn’t do that to my siblings, no matter what I think of them. Family is family.” Debbie says.

“And Mr. Milkovich is he family?” the judge asks.

“Of course he is.”

“And would you lie for him?”

“Sure. If he asked.” And Mickey almost laughed as Ian groaned from behind him.

“You would? So are you lying?”

“Why would Mickey ask me to lie?” She asks, bringing out the most innocent face he thinks he's ever seen on the girls face.

“To be set free?” Mickey hears his lawyer object. But Debbie speaks anyway.

“Mickey loves my brother. He tried to protect him. He let Sammi blame him because it would take Ian away from all of us. Mickey would never ask me to lie for him if it could hurt Ian. Ian asked me to tell the truth about what happened because he was sick of holding back. I didn't know about the soda. I thought that it was possible that Mickey did what they said he did. Ian didn't tell any of us about it. He was sick.” She says and the judge nods dismissing her.

Mickey turns around to look at the Gallaghers fake innocent faces. “I'm going to kick all of your asses.” He says before turning around but they don't miss the light smile on his face if only for the fact that people he thought hated him and only dealt With him had just stood up for him.

\--

Mickey is taken back to jail, to await the verdict. And he can't think straight. So many things could happen here. So many outcomes play in his fucking head. And he wished he could of stopped it all. He would willingly stay in this fucking hell to make them all safe and that's how he knows they are all family. Regardless of at happens with him and Ian. The Gallaghers are his family.

\--

“It's going to be okay right? So I go back to the hospital right?” Ian is freaking out now. It's over no turning back.

“Nothing is certain sweet face. We just have to see. Let's go home. Everyone's coming over.”

“Except Mickey. What if he was right? What if he never forgives me for this.” He says sadly.

“It's gonna be okay. Let's get through this first.”

\--

Walking into the court room the next day Mickey can't help but look at Ian. He was sure something like this would happen. The broken look on his face took the anger away that Mickey had been feeling. He just wants Ian to be okay. “Hey.” He whispers as they wait for the judge and Ian looks up.

Ian looks into this eyes. Those soft caring eyes and he feels like more of an asshole. Mickey had begged him not to do it and he did it anyway. Like every other fucking thing. Fucking damn it. And he hopes they set Mickey free because it needs to be for something. Even if they lock him in a padded cell until the day he dies, Mickey needs to be free.

“Mickey Milkovich. After reviewing the original case, and hearing what was said in this courtroom, yesterday. One thing is obvious to me. You have a lot of people who love and adore you. And while I don't fully believe that you had no part it what happened to that young woman, I do believe there is not enough evidence to prove you drugged or attempted to murder anyone. Based on that fact alone. I am prepared to reverse the previous decision appointed to you, since you never plead guilty to said charges. Does the state have any further charges to issue in this case? To Mr. Milkovich or any other party involved.” The judge asks.

“Yes your honor.” The attorney says and Mickey feels as if he is falling. Fuck.

“The state will be filing charges of involuntary endangerment against Ian Gallagher. Although considering the mental state of mr.gallagher at the time of the incident, we are recommending that any sentencing be held in a psychiatric facility. His lawyer and we are under agreement that he was not of sound mind during the time of incident, and he had no knowledge of his sister being locked in a crate.” The judge nods.

“Mickey Milkovich, I hereby sentence release you as time served and order you to be released within twenty four hours. Me Gallagher can you step forward please.”

Ian does as he's told. But his head is spinning.

“Ian Gallagher. You have admitted to unknowingly drugging your half-sister, while trying to harm yourself in some mannor. You have been voluntarily institutionalize do twice, and have been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. Based on those facts. I am sentencing you to a 72 hour psych evaluation, in which a psychiatrist will determine your ability to take care of yourself. After which evaluation you are sentenced to a mandatory year of continued treatment, whether it be in-patient or out patient will be determined by your doctors. Is that clear?” He asks and Ian nods.

“I will see you in four days time to determine your mental capacity as it currently stands.” Ian nods again and looks at mickeys sad face.

“I love you.” Ian whispers.

\--

Ian sits in the hospital the first night, unableTo turn his brain off. Reminding himself that Mickey would be home whenever he got out of here. He was stable. But he was scared, scared that they would say he wasn't. That he would spend the next year of his life in this place and he wouldn't be able to tell Micky everyday how sorry he was for this.

“Seems like you got yourself in quite the ordeal Ian,” his therapist Gina Lynn says. And he nods. “How are you feeling tonight?” She asks. Typical questions.

“A lot of things. You know. The whole array of emotions really doc. I mean. I'm happy because Mickey is free. Guilty because it took so long for me to help him. Sad because he's mad at me.”

“Do you feel depressed?” She asks

“Sad yes. Depressed? No. Miss Mickey.” He says honestly.

“I see. And if Mickey didn't want to see you again. How would you feel?” He sighs loudly. But it's necessary he knows. Answer honestly he thinks to himself.

“Sad, really sad. Probably cry a lot. But he's not in jail anymore. And if he never forgives me, I'll survive because he gets to see his son again and hold him. And that's worth a hell of a lot.”

“How are the new meds doing?”

“Good. Better I think. The last ones made me numb so often, I didn't feel  
Much and when they stopped working, I felt so much, ya know? Now it's evening out a little. I feel like what I am feeling, I should of felt then. Mourning a break up that I should of never had. I miss my family, worried I'll get fired again. Want to kiss Mickey. All the time. Have you ever loved someone so much that all you want to Do is look at them? Just kiss them.”

\--

It took Mickey two days to be able to get in to see Ian. And he was frustrated and angry until he hit that room. Ian was laying still and unmoving and while it was entirely possibly the red-head was just sleeping, he couldn't help the fear that coursed through his body. “I…Ian?” He says trying no to panic.

The groggy redhead turns over and says something, maybe Mickeys name but something is wrong. He is slurring. The fuck?

“Ian? Baby are you okay?” He lets the nickname slip.

“F…feel funny.” He says.

Mickey walks to him and touches his face. “Funny how?” He asks.

“Loopy. Like..oh god. Call…uh oh. Spinny. Lay down.” He says and Mickey is officially freaking the fuck out. Ians on something. How the fucking fuck?

He rushes out to grab someone. “Hey…you. Yeah you! That kid in there. Why does he look drugged out of his fucking mind? Someone give him something?” He asks or rather yells at the petrified nurse. She stammers. “His file! Get his damn file!”

“I can't…show that to you.” She stutters and he picks up his phone.

“Mick?” His sister asks from the other line.

“Mandy. Do you have ians doctors number?” He asks.

“No. But fi does. What's going on?”

“I need that number. Now.” He says and she promised to get it and hangs up. He waits while watching the room and Ian. Until he finally has the number and calls the lady.

“Doctor Lynn.”

“Um yes, this is Mickey Milkovich, Ians…friend.” He says and swears he hears her hold back a snicker.

“What's going on Mickey?”

“I'm here for my visit and Ian, somethings wrong. He seems drugged out of his fucking mind.” She assures him that is impossible but she’ll be down in a minute.

Mickey goes on to sit with Ian. Stroking his hair. His worry completely clouding over the fact that it's the first time in two years he's been allowed to do that. Until he hears screaming from outside the door.

“Have you lost your fucking mind!! Since when do you give a bi-polar patient a fucking sedative! It's not in his damn file. For Christ sake!” She yells and Mickey steps out to see a very tiny and angry woman. He decides right then that he likes this woman. She shakes her head and turns to Mickey and smiles.’

“You look exactly how he describes you.” She says brightly before she glares back at the nurses station. “Come on, let me check on him.” He nods.

\--

After what Ian feels is decades of sleep, we wakes up to find Mickey laying his head on his bed. He hears the loud whispers from doorway.

“But ma’am.”

“Doctor Lynn. And don't you dare move him. You fucked up. My patient should have been awake and alert and then he would have gotten to see his boyfriend and now you're gonna leave them be you got that.” She says sternly and Ian smiles lightly. God that woman was fierce.

“Hey.” Mickey whispers looking at Ian.

“Mmm. Hey. What happened?”

“They accidentally drugged you.” Mickey says.

“Well that sounds fun.” Ian laughs.

“Wouldn't have happened if you weren't in this damn place.” Mickey grunts.

“But..” And Ian smiles and runs his hand through mickeys dark hair. “If I weren't, couldn't do that. Least we can touch in here.” And Mickey smiles just a little.

“Shut up.”

\--

Ian is only held for the 72 hours, after Doctor Lynn talks to the judge, he is released back home. And he is so fucking happy to be home. He hugs each one of his siblings and smiles brightly when Mandy comes to visit but he wants to see Mickey. So bad. And he waits all day until finally mickey walks in.

“You look exhausted.” Ian says to the other man.

“Yeah just been workin on something. How's freedom taste?”

“Alright. You still mad at me?”

“Yes.” Mickey says sitting on the bed next to Ian. “You can't go off doing shit like that okay? Look don't think I don't appreciate it. Because what you and your family did for me was nothing short of fucking amazing. But It could of went different. We could both be locked up right now so, yeah I'm mad at you.” Mickey says and Ian nods sadly.

“I'm sorry Mickey. But I'm so fucking happy your back. Even if we can't be…you know. I'm so happy your free.” He says.

“Don't start with that. You and me have a lot of shit to talk about, but if you think for one second that I'm done with us, you are crazy.”

“Well..” Ian tries to joke but gets smacked for his effort.

“Shut that mouth.” And ians mouth snaps shut. “Now I'm gonna hold your annoying ass now, because I haven't been able to in way too fucking long. Any objections?” Ian shakes his head. “Good.”  
Mickey crawls into the bed next to Ian and it reminds him of another time that he did this. After the first time Ian had been hospitalized. That time he had been so worried and unsure of so many things, and this time he was just happy that Ian was okay. There were still so many things he was unsure of. So many things that he didn't know about the future Ana what would happen to them but for this moment it was enough to not be sitting behind glass or with guards watching them. Or to be sitting next to a hospital bed with nurses and doctors down the hall. They were just here in a house that held so many good and bad memories of them. And he was content with that for the moment as he let his arms be wrapped around the man that he had loved for too many years to count.

\--

It was a full day before they actually decided they needed to talk about this. They enjoyed being close for a while, doing things they hadn't been allowed in so long. Like holding each other, or Mickey taking a shower alone while Ian made breakfast for his family, and then they headed next door to spend time with yevgeny and it was a nice day. But the day was winding down and avoiding this was no longer an option. So they waited until the gallaghers had cleared out either to bed or out of the house and sat down in the couch. And it took ten minutes of just sitting there before they finally turned towards eachother.

“I don't really want to ask, but I gotta man.” Mickey starts and Ian nods, urging him to continue. “I read all of your words, all of them, so many things there but I just gotta know. What do you want. Now that we're both here with eachother. You want a friendship? Or…” Mickey sighed because he was nervous. And he hated the feeling.

“I want you, I know that it's selfish and I should sit here and tell you that we should be friends after everything we put eachother through and especially after what I did and if you decide that's all we’ll ever be, I'll accept it Mickey. I will. But what I want is you, is us. I want to show you how much I …love you every fucking day. I want to kiss you and touch you and show you that the person that left you, is not who I am anymore. Show you that we could be great again. Because I love you so much it fuckin hurts.”

“It can't be like before.” Is all Mickey says at first and watches ians eyes downcast but he nods anyway. “Hey.” He says lifting iand chin with his fingers. “Not what I meant. I can't, we can't be like before alright? All this hurting eachother and shit. I want…I want us to be better.”

“Better how?” Ian asks and mickey can tell he genuinely wants to know how to handle this.

“Right now I want to run my hands through your hair and touch you because I haven't been able to in so long. Want to know you're real.”

“And then?”

  
“I want to take you on shitty dates and hold your hand and shit that we couldn't do when we were kids. I want to be with you and of you start feeling off, you tell me and you let me take care of you, and I let you take care of me too. I want to build something that's not gonna blow up in our faces again. I want to go legit..” And Ian coughs for a second. “I mean it Ian. No more getting locked up and being stupid as fuck. I don't want you to have to wait around on me for god knows how many years because I can't keep my shit straight. And I want to do all thos things you talked about in that letter and I also want to make..fuck this is go gay but I want to make love to you slowly while I look into those damn eyes. Want all that couply bullshit.” Ian just stares at mickey hearing the words and it’s amazing.

“You…You want all of that with me? Are you sure? Maybe you’d be happier…with…” Ian starts and he doesn’t want to finish the thought because it hurts to much to think of mickey with anyone else.

“Someone else? Are you fucking crazy Gallagher? You want me to go on a date with some asshole, alright I will, but when I punch him in the face, don’t blame me. I don’t want all of those things because I want them, I only want them because it’s you, you fuckin idiot. I only want those things with you.”

“Fuck I love you.” Ian says and they both smile as mickey continues to look at ian with this beautiful expression that Ian doesn’t think he’s ever seen on Mickey’s face before. He had let this go, almost lost all of this and how could he have ever thought he would ever be okay with losing this? He was sure he didn’t know the answer to that in any way at all.

Mickey scooted closer to Ian on the couch, it was late, and he smiled as he got closer to Ian. Letting his hand fall from ians hair to his face and before he even knew why, he felt tears fall down his face, and Ian looks at him curiously and sadly and reaches out to wipe them away.

“God Mickey, I’m so sorry I ever hurt you, you’re everything ya know? Please don’t cry, I’ll do anything…Please.” Ian begs and Mickey looks at him and shakes his head.

“I’m good Ian, So good. You’re good, Fuck. Not too long ago I was having nightmares that you were fucking dead and shit, and here you are in front of my fucking face. God come here.” Mickey says and Ian leans in and looks at him intently. And before he even knows, before he can register what mickey is doing, mickey kisses him. The kiss, which was at first innocent, a simple thing between two people that didn’t know entirely what they were doing right here in this moment, except just being, a kiss that quickly turned into something more, something of need, want, desire, love, all of the things that two men were feeling sitting on the couch of the Gallagher’s living room, in the middle of the night, alone.

  
“God mickey, you…So…sorry.” Ian gets out during the moments when he catches his breath, in between the earth shattering kisses.

And for the first time in their entire existence, this wasn’t about fighting, or fucking or about anything else but loving each other, slowly and intensely, they had never been able to have that, have something like this complelty. And they just sat there, making out like a couple of teenagers who had their whole lives in front of them to do something else, and they did really. And like that is where they were found the next day, curled up on the couch in eachother’s arms.

\----

  
“They're so cute.” Mickey hears someone whisper as he is coming out of his sleep.

“Shhh, they'll hear you. Mickey will wake up.” He hears Fiona

“Whatever. He will not.” It's Debbie that he heard before. So to help Fiona's point he let out a groan like he's stirring just a little. Even if he is awake.

“See told you. He can sense when your taking about sappy fluffy cute things. Don't anger the beast.”

He almost laughs but instead just nuzzles Ian closer.

“Fuckin cute. Think he can help Ian?”

“Think he already is debs.”

\--

  
Mickey looks around the property entering the house and hears the noises coming from out back. Ian is back at the house and Mickey is supposed to be job hunting but this first. He exits the back and smiles. Colin and Iggy have their work bench set up and look like actual contractors. His son is standing next to Svetlana in a hard hat, bossing everyone around. Beautiful. He hears Mandy and turns she is walking out past him with a huge pitcher of lemonade. His family is helping him get this ready for Ian. Ian. He wants to surprise him.

“Hey guys. How’s it coming along.”

“Good man, Got everything planned out. Gonna work awhile. Then the Gallaghers are coming in for their shift.” Colin says and Mickey nods.

“Gotta go look for a job, but I’ll be back when I can. Thank you guys for this.” He says and they nod. “Be happy Mick. Be fucking disgustingly happy and make us all hate you for it.” Mandy says.

Mickey nods and goes back out and looks for a job, which takes all day. He’s feeling almost defeated when he stops by a building and rests for a minute.

“Lookin for work?” the older man asks.

“yeah. Doubt you hire ex-cons though.” He says shaking his head. “Dropped charges or not.”

“Rough day huh kid?” He says and Mickey just nods.

“Cars or houses?” The man asks and Mickey looks up.

“What?”

“Would you rather build cars or build houses kid.” The man says.

“are you offering me a job?” Mickey asks him shocked.

“Maybe, depends. I got the garage here, and a construction company. Which job you want me to interview you for?”

“Either. Re-building a house right now, or working on it…for someone. I like cars too.”

“House huh. Show it to me. I’m Marcus by the way.” And mickey nods, and eyes the man trying to figure out what he wants. But fuck it.

An hour later Marcus is staring at his house, or Ian’s house looking over plans and what has been done.

“Nice job, you draw those up?”

“Yeah. For someone…as a surprise.”

“Alright. You want a job, you got it. I’ll find you something. Come see me at this address in a week. Until then, enjoy your surprise making. Lucky girl, whoever she is.” He says walking away. He wants to yell out that it’s not a girl, but the guy just hired him and he didn’t want to out himself in quite this moment. So he says nothing.

“What was that?” Lip asks coming from inside, looking a bit of a mess. Mickey thinks he probably hasn’t worked with his hands that much in years.

“Got a job.”

“Sweet.” He says and smiles and mickey eyes him because Lip Gallagher is being nice to him and that’s fucking weird.

“You up to something Gallagher, being nice to me really isn’t on your usual list of things to do.” He asks and Lip shrugs.

“My brother loves you. He would kill for you, die for you, and I figure you would do the same for him, almost did right? So, if you love my brother, and want to give him this dream house, I figure, mise well be nice, we’re gonna be family someday anyway. And we have pleny of time to kill eachother.” Lip shrugs him off and Mickey actually smiles at that, because if anything was a show of support from ian’s asshole of a brother, that was it right there.

\--

Ian looks up when mickey walks in the door and smiles because mickey looks genuinely happy. He just watches the man, as he looks at Ian, and Ian can’t help but take it in, because this is what he had dreamed of, what he never thought he would see. Mickey smile at him again and yet here he is, in his families house just looking at him with a smile on his face.

“What?” Mickey asks.

“You look happy. I like that.” Ian says biting his lip.

“Mhm, got a job.” He says smiling softly at ian and steps closer to him slowly, but Ian rushes to him and pulls him in practically picking him up.

“You did? First day. Wow. Look at that.” He says and laughs when mickey groans.

“Put me down, gigantor.” He says laughing and Ian does and smiles.

“Sorry.”

\--

(A month later.)

“Ian…” Mandy starts shaking her head at him.

“He doesn’t want me. That’s what it is. He’s just afraid to tell me, thinks I’ll go off the rails…oh god.” He rants to his friend and she chuckles.

“the fuck gave you that idea?” she asks.

“he…nevermind. It’s stupid.” He shakes his head.

“The fuck is it? He’s been here everyday since you got out, he forgave you for your fucked up shit, he goes to work, a legitimate job by the way, and comes home to you. And I’ve seen you, you look so disgustingly cute, all cuddling on the couch and making out all the time. How is that not wanting you?” She asks.

“He…He…wont touch me.” He says in a rush.

“Touch you, he touches you more than….oh…seriously? you’re freaking out because you’re not fucking, that’s what this is? You Horney idiot. Just jump him.” She says giggling.

“Not that easy. I fucked up, I’m playing by his rules. If I rush this…he might…” he says sadly turning away from her.

“leave you? Mickey is gonna leave you for wanting to fuck? I doubt that.” She says shaking her head.

“What if …he doesn’t…find me attractive anymore? He can’t stomach touching me like that? The fuck am I gonna do then?” He says and sighs.

“I can’t even deal with you right now. First of all, impossible, you’re sexy as fuck, second of all, talk to him for fucks sake. Or try to seduce him. See what happens. So he says no. Not the end of the world.” And mandy stands up shaking her head, walking out the door and she smirks at him, oh lord. These boys.

 

“What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be destracting him!” Mickey says as he’s moving around some furniture that he just got.

“Oh I was, but I can’t anymore. How has he not seen this place yet anyways?” She asks.

“I have my ways. Neighbor told him there was a gasleak, and my boss happened to call and offer to fix it real cheap.” He laughs. “As long as he’s destracted properly he wont come out here yet. Speaking of which. Why are you here?”

“Because you need to go home and fuck your boyfriend before I kill him.” And Mickey spits out the beer he had currently taken a sip out of.

“excuse me?” he asks.

“He’s freaking out Mick. And I swear to god if I have to spend the next hour of my life hearing about how unnatractive he is, or how you don’t want him anymore, because you wont let him stick his dick in you, or the other way around, I’m going to vomit all over the gallagher’s living room. Stop laughing.” She says. And Mickey can’t help it, the thought of Ian saying those things to his sister was too funny for him to even handle. “Ha ha ha, fucking asshole. Don’t know how you’re holding out this long, but whatever. Deal with it.” She says shaking her head and he laughs again and smiles, looking around the house. He fucking planned to.

\---

Ian thinks about where Mickey could be, he should have been off work hours ago, in fact he realizes that it had happened a lot recently. And Ian tries, tries to shake himself from it. If he wasn’t fucking Ian…Who was he fucking…. And he feels tears start to sting his eyes. No…Mickey wouldn’t, but he had, oh god.

And that was exactly how Mickey found Ian an hour later, sitting on his floor, tears dried up but still completely apparent, he was sitting cross legged in his boxers, papers around him like he had been writing something and Mickey leans down softly and picks one up, and only the words. Stop being crazy ian, nobody loves crazy. Fuck.

“What’s this?” Mickey asks leaning down.

“Nothing.” Ian whispers

“Okay…look at me. What the fuck is this?” Mickey asks and Ian looks up, and it breaks Mickey’s heart a little. They had come so far. In the last month they had talked out all their shit, Mickey had been working his ass off to get the house ready for Ian, and had gotten closer to his son. He had been working for Marcus, working at the garage mostly, and helping with a house project if somebody called in. it was good. But this wasn’t. Maybe Mandy had been right, Ian seriously thinks that Mickey doesn’t want him.

“I’m sorry.” Ian whispers.

“For what…Ian. What’s wrong?” he asks, even if he’s pretty sure he knows.

“It’s stupid.”

“maybe, but tell me anyway.” Mickey says grabbing Ian’s hands to pull him up.

“Do you…want…someone else?” Ian asks and mickey stares at him.

“The fuck would I want that for?” Mickey asks confused.

“you…don’t want me…maybe somebody else…is better….less…” and he makes a motion with his finger to his head saying crazy and Mickey’s eyes widen.

“hey stop that. You aint crazy, and I don’t want anyone else. Who’s got time for that shit anyway? I’m here every night Ian.”

“You’re always late, and you never want…me.”

“Mandy was right, wasn’t she. You’re freaking out about sex?” He asks.

“She…told…you….Damn it.” And Mickey chuckles.

“You think I don’t want you? That I don’t want to things to you that would make Svetlana blush.” And ian just looks at him. “I was gonna say frank but that shit’s gross.” And Ian chuckles a little. “Put your clothes on.” Mickey says and hates the broken look that Ian gives him because of it.

“You don’t even want to see me…like that. Not attracted to me anymore?” he asks.

“Oh fuck off with that Gallagher. Get dressed, I have something to show you, and unless you want to go looking like that. Then you need to put some clothes on. And don’t even say you don’t know that you’re still fucking hot as fuck. Fucking please.” Mickey shakes his head.

 

Ian stares as they pull up in front of is house. “Why are we here? It has a leak.”

“It’s fixed. Come on Gallagher. I have something to show you. Its fucking important.” He says. And Ian follows him slowly up to the house. When the lights are turned on and he is staring at his living room, but not his living room. The floors were shining at him and there was a nice, couch sitting in the living room, with a blanket on the floor. And the fireplace that was once old and falling apart was redone and kind of beautiful.

“You think I don’t want you? So then why have I spent the last month trying to get this damn house ready for you? Why did I recruit every Gallagher and Milkovich to help my ass.” And Ian just looks at the living room. “Its not done, and I was gonna wait. But fuck. Seriously Gallagher?”

“you…did this…for me?”

“Of course I did this for you asshole. I love you. How can you not see that? I’ve been hanging out with you every moment that I could. I’ve taken you out in fucking public and held your hand and kissed you, history shows I don’t do that shit. So you’re upset because I wont rip your clothes off? I was trying to do it right damn it. You think I don’t want to. That I don’t lie awake at night, just looking at your ass, wanting to just jump on you, and beg you to fuck me. To let me fuck you even. To ask you to do everything you wrote in that letter to me. Because every fucking minute of every single day, I want to. But that’s what we did last time. And I didn’t want it to end like that again.” Mickey says honestly. “I wanted…god this is so fucking gay. Come with me.” He says leading Ian up the stairs into the room he put a bed in, that was going to be theirs. “I wanted our first time, well this time, to be here, in this house, in that bed. I don’t want to fuck you, I want to fucking make love to you, right there, on that fucking bed.” Mickey says crossing his arms and rolls his eyes when ians eyes light up, like a fucking kid on Christmas almost.

“You want to make love to me? I don’t…think ive ever heard you use those words.” Ian says.

“fuck you.” Mickey says shaking his head.

“I’ll wait as long as you need me to mickey…I was just scared…that after everything I did, it was too much to get over…or maybe that something was wrong with me or even worse…that something had happened…in there…so many things going through my head.” Ian shakes his head. And mickey looks at him over and back to the bed. Fuck it.

Mickey reaches for Ian’s shirt and pulls him into his arms. He runs his hands up Ians sides and then grabs the hem of Ian’s shirt and pulls it off of him. “You don’t have to do this mickey” Ian says. “You had a plan.”

“fuck plans. Wanna see you.” Mickey says and bites his lip as he takes in the body that he had been fantasizing about for so long, and even more so in the last month, with ian so close, but he had wanted this to be right. Well the room was done, and the bed was here. So what if they weren’t moved in. it would still be the right place, just like he had wanted. He bites at his bottom lip and sucks in a breath, lust taking over his body and he lets it. He kicks off his shoes and leans forward to place a kiss on Ian’s collar bone and he feels fucking amazing. He works his hands at the botton on Ian’s jeans and slowly takes them off, while he is kissing different places on Ian’s chest.

Fucking delicious. Ian moves to grab mickeys clothes but mickey shakes his head. “Not yet. Wanna see you first.” He says as he grabs at Ians boxers and moves them off of his body and he smiles looking at all of Ian. Fucking hell. He backs them up until the bed stops him and he finally kisses Ian’s lips, licking and tasting every inch of them. He wants to remember this for the rest of his fucking life, no matter what happens, they will always have this.

  
Ian watches Mickey as he backs up, after pushing ian lightly onto the bed. Mickey slowly starts taking his shirt off. “Are you stripping for me?” ian asks and Mickey quirks an eyebrow and holds a finger to his lips, and makes a small shush sound. Ian thinks that’s fucking hot. He watches, biting his own lip, as mickey continues to undress himself. His eyes latch onto the spot on his chest though. He’s seen it since mickey’s been out, but never really taken it in, where there sat the tattoo that said his name. except now it looked more clean, and there were a couple of letters worked into it. And Ian smiled at it. Before he knew it he was watching a very naked milkovich, stepping closer to him.  
Mickey leans over ian as they scoot further up on the bed. He licks his lips before kissing down Ians body. “love you.” He lets out and instead of stoping like he might have in the past he keeps going, until his tongue meets its destination and he licks from the bottom of the shaft to the lip before wrapping his lips around Ian’s leaking cock. He humms around it as Ian lets out a deep and delicious moan. He hadn’t heard that sound out of ian in so fucking long that it took everything he had not to reach down and touch himself to it.

Ian arches up, trying so desperately to hold on. But it’s so hard to do, with Mickey licking and bobbing on his dick like that. And it had been so long, so fucking long, since that beautiful mouth had been placed around him like that. “Mick…oh fucking….I’m so close, you gotta…stop…oh fuckkkk.” Ian get out and mickey looks up and backs up for a minute.

“We have all night Ian. Go ahead” he says and then goes back to work, and still ian holds on as long as he can. Until Mickey sucks harder swirling his tongue in a certain perfect motion and Ian screams out as he cums into Mickey’s mouth. Who doesn’t complain. He just sucks until he gets every last drip and crawls up the bed with a smile on his face.

“Holding off on me…I should punish you for that.” Mickey says his eyes twinkling.

“Mmm, how?” Ian asks.

“hmm….I’m sure I can think of something. Unless you want to make it up to me?” he says and Ian nods and mickey smiles.

“you do huh? Think you can make me scream your name in …under a minute.” Mickey says and Ian smirks.

“Can I? oh please.” Ian rolls his eyes.

“Clock has already started.” Mickey says playfully. And Ian smirks, but shrugs. And he flips mickey over so that he is on top of him and quickly moves lower, licking his lips and then sucking on his finger quickly before slowly sliding it in, for a few quick pumps, which of course gets him a moan, and he knows that mickey is thinking he’s won, but he removes his finger to hear a wine, and darts his tongue out and licks at Mickey’s hole, and starts fucking him , simutanously with his finger and his tongue. “FUUUUCKKKKK…..IIIAAAAANNNN” he hears mickey call out and he smiles, but he’s not done yet. He moves up, while putting his finger back in, twisting it as he licks a stripe on Mickey’s balls moving his tongue up slowly as he fingers Mickey’s ass, putting another finger in, at the same time his mouth moves up, licking, loving the elicit moans coming out of Mickey’s mouth. He twists his fingers again, working him open at the same time, It’ll save time later, but still finding the right spot, and when he hears the gasp out of mickey’s mouth and then he wraps his lips around the head and with one final twist and one bob of his head and sucking hard, he feels the liquid fill his mouth, a long with the loud shout of his name again as mickey cums down his throat.

  
Mickey and Ian curl up on the bed for a while after that, both more satisfied than they had been in a long time. “Missed that.” Mickey says smiling and lighting up a cigarette.

“Mhm. Missed you.” Ian says softly rolling to look at Mickey. “I'm sorry my mind gets away from me sometimes.”

“Don't worry about it. Worked out pretty well I think.” Mickey tries to soothe him. “Just so you know.i always want you, even when I wanted to punch you in the face, even when I was heartbroken, always wanted you.”

“I know I just…worry sometimes that I'm not enough or maybe that I'm too much. I don't know.”

\--

They fall asleep wrapped in eachothers arms for a few hours before Mickey is woken up by a light groan and the rocking of ians hips against his ass. He thinks Ian is trying to wake him up for sex which he's fine with but soon realizes that Ian isn't awake, if the light snore gives any indication. He tries not to chuckle. The horny fuck. “Mickey.” He hears Ian moan out and if that isn't hot as fuck, Mickey doesn't know what is. Ian rocks against his as again and he feels Ian rock hard behind him. “Need you.” Another moan escapes. So Mickey reaches back to his own ass, to make sure he's ready for him before he wakes up and quietly searches for some lube and a condom. He slowly works himself open even more and gets the condom on his sleeping boyfriend and licks his lips when he feels Ian press towards him again.

“So ready for you baby.” He whispers shocking himself at his choice of words. But shrugs it off and moves over which makes Ian automatically scoot closer and he smiles. He reaches for ians cock and strokes it a couple of times before slowly moving Ian onto his back. In his sleep Ian groans out at the loss of contact but Mickey straddles him and kisses at his neck: he needs him to wake up a little. Just enough so that he doesn't feel like a creep. And he leans down. “Wanna be inside me baby?” There he goes again. And Ian moans out a yes. Mickey isn't sure if he's waking up but he positions himself on the hard cock and slowly sinks down onto it. He stills before rocking his hips on top of Ian slowly. Begging his boyfriend to wake up for this. And it must have worked because even though ians eyes are still closed he grabs mickeys hips to still him and stares moving his hips up in a speed and force that causes Mickey to scream out.

It's then that ians eyes open and his hips slow down which gives Mickey the opportunity to start rocking his hips again. The deep and delicious moan That escaped the redhead is pure ecstasy for Mickey. Mickey moves harder and faster, moaning out. “Ian…Ian….Ian….” He practically chants, falling apart, and he looks down at Ian and there he is. His guy. Smiling, panting, moaning.

“Can…Fuck…I…Oh Mickey….Wake…Up,…Like….this…everyday…..OH fuck.” Ian leans up and wraps his arms around mickey and flips them over. He moves inside mickey with a slower more delicate pace that before.

“Fucking Love you.” Mickey says from under him and Ian leans down and places a kiss on Mickey’s lips.

“Love you so much Mick. So much.” Ian is still panting and moving, and when Mickey wraps his legs around him, ian leans back so that he can pull mickey with him. It’s difficult to keep moving but he does, the sounds mickey is making, urging him on, and he continues, while repeating confessions of love and adoration at the same time.

“Oh fucking….Ian….So fucking good.” Mickey says moaning, practically sitting on ians lap as they both move until they can’t hold it anymore and both move back to collapse on the bed, while still connected.

“so close mick, you feel so good baby.” Ian says and mickey moans out.

“Say it again.” He says shaky as ian pounds into him, hiting the perfect fucking spot every time.

“So close?” ian asks looking at him.

“N….No….the end…fucking say it ian!” Mickey says a little embarrassed but he fucking loves it when Ian calls him that, especially now, after so much time apart. He needs to hear Ian call him stupid sweet names like that, so he knows he’s really here, he’s really ian, and not the ian that left him but the ian he fell in love with, that he continues to fall in love with all over again. ‘

  
“Baby?” Ian asks, a little confused.

“Mhm, again.” Mickey says. “So close. Come on.” He says.

“Baby…Oh god, mickey baby I love you so much.” Ian says and there it is, everything he needs to hear.

“Ian…I love you….Need you….Yours…Holy fuck!” Mickey pants out and with one final thrust and one final breath escaping ians lips, Mickey cums, hard and fast and fuck. Ian follows shortly after wrapping his arms around mickey as soon as they pull apart and get a blanket over them.

“We should get cleaned up” Mickey says softly.

“Mmm, in a little while. Wanna hold you.” Ian says just as soft placing kisses on mickeys back.

“So gay.” Mickey says.

“Mhm, Babe, I have news for you, I am fucking gay, like reallllly fucking gay.” Ian chuckles.

“Huh, never knew that about you firecrotch.” Mickey snickers and turns over to face Ian.

 

  
Ian wraps his arms around Mickey as they lay in the bed next to eachother, Mickey is sleeping soundly and Ian feels something different than he has iin a really long fucking time. He’s content because Mickey is here and after everything, everything he did before, everything that happened, he never in a million years thought mickey would ever let him touch him again, let alone be lying here like this, in love and just fucking happy. He pulls Mickey closer and closes his eyes again, taking in everything that he was feeling in this exact moment. He needs to feel it to feel everything he hadn’t allowed himself to feel in so long.

 

“For fucks sake, coulda warned a dude!!” Mickey is woken up by Colin standing in the doorway to the half finished room, staring down and Mickey and Ian who were under the blanket but completely naked.

“Oh fuck off. What do you want?” Mickey asks.

“Supposed to finish this shit this week right, looks like the surprise is over. Now get fucking dressed, we have work to do in here, loverboy,” Colin shakes his head and makes his way out.

“Sorry about Colin, he’s cranky.” Mickey chuckles and Ian is looking up at him, with this blissed out look on his face.

“Fucking stop that, get dressed. If you want to make your house livable anytime soon, get up.” Mickey says and Ian grabs him and pulls him back down.

  
“Our house.” He says.

“Huh? No this is…”

“No, I bought it for you. My dreams of this house have you in it. I know…we still have so much fucking shit to deal with, but I don’t want to be in this house without you.”

“How about we make it livable and then we talk about who sleeps where. But for the record, wasn’t planning on never staying here. That bed is fucking comfy. Picked it out myself. You’d be hardpressed to find a way to keep me out of it.” He says getting up and making his way to his clothes.

“Comfy? How did prison make you softer?” He asks.

“Ay fuck you.”

“Please?” Ian says sweetly and Mickey rolls his eyes.

“later horndog, let’s go downstairs and greet the family.” He says and ian just looks at him.

“They’re all here?”

“Usually are man, well besides whoever is distracting your ass from coming over here.” And then Mickey shrugs.

  
The boys make their way downstairs to be greeted by their family who is staring smugly at them.

“He pouts for one night, and gets exactly what he wants, Mick, you are fuckin’ whipped.” Mandy calls out laughing.

“Could we get to work now? Get this house done, so you guys can get the fuck out.” Mickey groans.

“They just wanna fuck all over it.” Iggy says shaking his head.

“and you think we’ll wait for you to leave to start?” Mickey asks smirking.

“Oh god, let’s finish this. Now that their back to fucking, I don’t wanna see that disturbing shit.”

 

 

“So, we need to talk about something.” Mickey says softly as they sit in their livingroom that is mostly finished.

“That doesn’t sound good.” Ian comments.

“It’s not bad really, I mean…well fuck it. I know you had sex with people while I was locked up right?” he says and instantly he sees Ian look down, shame radiating from his face. “No, don’t…We weren’t together Ian, it’s okay. It’s just I thought since I know…I should tell you…I was too.” He says. And Ian’s eyes snap up.

“ok.” Ian whispers, Mickey can see it on his face, he’s hurt but he wont say anything.

“It’s okay to comment Ian, I get it.” He says.

“No, it’s not okay, I broke up with you, you were more than allowed. It hurts, yeah, but I deserve that pain.” He says. “did you…Love him?” he asks.

“No, I mean he’s cool and all but we were both, so fucked up about shit, and it happened a few times, but no, I don’t love him, he didn’t love me.”

“Do you still talk to him, I mean…is he still in there?” he asks.

“Nah, he got out before me, I haven’t seen him, no. but he is southside. And If I run into him, I’m not gonna run away or some shit.” He says and Ian nods. “You okay with that?”

“Kind of have to be.” Ian says.

“No you get to have an opinion Ian. You want to meet him?” Mickey asks and Ian coughs.

“what? Why would I want to do that?” he asks.

“To see that it’s nothing to worry about? He knows about you, well I haven’t talked to him, so he doesn’t know we are back together, but I talked about you sometimes.” Mickey says honestly.

“Ok…If you want me to…ok.” Ian says but Mickey knows he doesn’t want to. It’s top much right now.

“Not right now. But someday. I just…wanted to be honest. It was always you, as painful as that was sometimes. It’s always been you.” Mickey says edging closer to Ian, but slowly, taking in his reactions to him right now, but Ian just opens his arms and Mickey smiles and lays on his chest.

“You’re everything to me Mickey, and I’ll meet him, I will, I just, let me get the image of someone else fucking you out of my mind first. I know it’s my fault he touched you, but he still touched you.” Ian says and Mickey snorts.

“Fucked me? Oh please.” He says.

“What? But you like…”

“Yes I do…but I…didn’t want it that way then. With him.” He says and Ian nods.

 

  
They don’t mention it again, and it’s weeks later when it happens. Ian is walking down the street laughing, Mickey is chasing him, because Ian is faster.

“GALLAGHER, I SWEAR TO GOD!” he yells out, panting heavily.

“Mickey? Holy shit…” The man says and Ian freezes looking the man up and down. “Oh my god, that’s him. Isn’t it?” he asks and Mickey shakes his head and laughs.

“yes. Hey Jade. This is ian..”

“fuck man, heard so much about you. Back together?” he asks nicely. And Ian wants to smile but he cant move. It’s him. Now he has a face to feed his guilt.

“Yeah.” Mickey says and the guys smiles brightly but then looks at Ian’s frozen face.

“Fuck…You told him didn’t you? He looks, fuck. Should I run? He gonna like murder me when he snaps out of it?” Jade asks.

“Nah, he’s good. Hold on a sec, alright?” and Jade nods. And Mickey steps in front of Mickey, not giving a damn that they are standing in a crowded street and places his hands on both sides of Ian’s face. “Ian, Baby, look at me, not over there, at me, come on.” He says softly and he pulls ian down to his level and kisses his lips, bringing him out of it a little.

“Huh…Mmm..” He says kissing Mickey. Then pulls back and looks around. “Shit, Mick, I’m sorry. I forgot we were.”

“aye, who the fuck cares? You okay?” he asks.

“yeah, yeah.” He says.

“Okay, im gonna move and Jade is behind me, you gonna be okay? Or does he need to walk away. If you aren’t okay….”

“Im good.” Ian says and so Mickey moves a little and Jade has stepped back a little but he isn’t smirking or condescending, he just looks curious.

“Sorry.” He says. Ashamed that just seeing the guy for the first time, made him act like that.

“No worries man. I get it. Glad you’re back together though. This one was miserable without you.” He says and Ian smiles.

“Oh shut up now.” Mickey groans and Ian just steps back and wraps his arms around Mickey. “Fuck off with that.” He says.

“Awe, you two are cute as fuck. Good to see you out and back with your man. Real good Man.” He says.

“How about you?” Mickey asks, leaning back onto Ian’s chest, despite his earlier protests.

“Started dating some girl online. She’s cool.” He shrugs.

“girl?” Ian asks.

“Oh did I forget to mention…Jade is bi. Mostly into chicks tho. You tell her you like a dick every now and then?” Mickey asks. And Ian shudders a little. He’s really trying.

“Yeah Man, I told her. I like this one.” He says and he shrugs.

“Good for you. Good to see you. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we were on our way to something really important.” Mickey smiles.

“A fuck-date? By all means. As you were.” Jade says. And Ian laughs. He could like this guy, that is if he could get past the fact that his boyfriend had fucked this guy.

  
“Hey Mick, we should do that instead. I like his idea.” Ian says. And Mickey rolls his eyes.

“Fuck off, our house is not officially done until there is an X-box in it. Let’s go man. Or we ain’t movin in tomorrow.” Mickey says and Ian laughs.

“House? How long you been out?” Jade laughs.

“Long story man.” Mickey says. And then he’s pulling Ian with him and Ian looks back at the man who shakes his head and laughs.

 

Mickey watches Ian at the bar. They had gone out for a night, they were having fun, but Mickey had went to the bathroom, and he came back and Ian is standing at the bar talking to someone, he looks enough at ease. Mickey is a little jealous. He knows its irrational, it could be a guy he knew from his dancing days, not like settled the fire in his gut, but then the guy reaches out and touches Ian’s arm and Mickey feels sick, angry, hurt, but then he sees it, Ian steps back, and now that Mickey is closer, because supposedly in his jealousy and anger he had moved closer without realizing it, he sees the uncomfortable look on Ian’s face now. He doesn’t know if Ian’s uncomfortable because he knows mickey is there somewhere or if this guy is really bothering him so he decided to edge closer. He needs to know what to feel about this right now.

“What’s wrong with you?” The man asks Ian and Ian stares at him.

“I told you not to touch me.” Ian says simply.

“afraid someone will think your not available for whatever hot fuck your looking for?” The man grinds out.

“No, Im not available. I have a boyfriend, thank you. And you’re the one that should be afraid.” Ian ground out but Mickey saw something suddenly, there was so much bitter anger, mixed with so many other things. Ian knew this guy, it was apparent, and Mickey knew Ian well enough to know he was an ex of some sort. But usually Ian wasn’t this angry, what had this man done to his Ian?

“Oh really? Finally fool someone into thinking you’re not a basket case? Have you told him that you’re crazy yet?” and that was all Mickey could take, Nobody…and fucking nobody said those things about his Ian. NOBODY.

“Excuse you. I’d watch your fucking tongue.” Mickey says and his heart beats faster when Ian looks at him an relaxes a little, smiling. He did that, and Mickey likes that thought. He relaxed Ian.

“and who the fuck are you.” The man bites out.

“This is MICKEY, my boyfriend.” Ian says, and Mickey thinks the guy must have heard his name before because he no longer looks so smug, he stills.

“There a problem?” Mickey asks. His jealousy about whatever this was, put on the back burner completely, Ian is giving off something. Like he needs Mickey and that trumps anything else so he wraps his arm behind Ian's back to still him, ground him.

“That, Mickey? Huh?” The man asks. And Ian is seething.

“Yes, that Mickey.” Ian says.

“Don't see the novelty, seriously? This the guy you were calling out for in your sleep?” And Mickey's eyes widen. Not at the conformation that Ian dated this tool because they much had already been obvious but he called out for Mickey?

“Mick…it meant nothing…” he says and Mickey is hurt. “He meant nothing.” He says and Mickey relaxes. That he can handle.

“Didn't imagine he did. I know your type and this dickbrain, ain't it.” And Ian relaxes because while Mickey is seething, he doesn't seem to be mad at him and that makes him smile. “Now let me take you home, so you can call out my name, in a far better way.” He says and he shoots the asshole a glare. He doesn't ask why Ian hates him so much because he knows if he tells him now, he'll kill the fucker.

  
“What did he do?” Mickey asks in the early morning hours.

“What?” Ian asks.

“Ian, I know you. That look in your eyes. That was hatred. And I've known you long enough to know you hold hatred like that for very few people.” Mickey speaks softly and Ian sighs.

“When I tried to break up with him or when I did break up with him, he just did. Some things to make me feel crazy. It was the start of what led me to that day. When I was…ya know.” He says and Mickey does know. That day that Mandy had barely gotten to him in time.

“What did he do?” Mickey asks again.

“You can't go after him okay? If you get locked up again….I can't live without you again.” Ian says and Mickey grunts. “Mickey.” Ian says sternly.

“Fucking fine. Unprovoked, I won't. I promise I won't go looking for him.” He says. If he ran into the mother fucker he was fair game.

“He…messed with my meds.” He says and Mickey looks up.

“What?” He asks to be sure.

  
“He switched them out or something. I didn't know, I thought, I just thought it was me. That they stopped working or something. But…I caught him. He came to get the rest of his shit after…and he was in the bathroom, I watched him. I had just gotten a new prescription, I was standing right there, he didn't know. He had spend every waking hour making me feel crazy, I thought that I was but there he was I watched him flush my pills and replace them.” Ian says.

“With what?” He asks.

“I don't remember the name. They made me hallucinate, I thought it was guilt. Hallucinating you there. All the time. I mean I was already dreaming of you all the time, so it kind of fit.” Ian shrugs.

“When mandy called….were you still…off the meds?” Mickey asks and ian shakes his head.

“No, I mean as soon as I saw that, I flew to the doctor. We agreed that I needed to get that shit out of my system completely. So I went unmedicated for a bit. On the terms that I would call if anything went wrong.” Ian says.

“But you didn’t call.”

“Not until mandy did.” Ian answers.

“I want to kill him.” Mickey says even though, he knows that his boyfriend knows.

“I know, me too. But he doesn’t matter. You know what does matter?” Ian asks.

“How freaking hot you look right now?” Mickey asks and Ian chuckles pulling his boyfriend to him.

“No, what matters, is this. Me and you.” Ian wraps his arms around him. “I love you Mickey.”

“Marry Me.” Mickey’s own eyes widen at his slip. The fuck was that? Why would he say that?

“W…What did you just say?” Ian asks.

“Umm…I don’t know, what did I just say.” And he sees the sort of hurt look on Ian’s face, but he knows he’s more confused than Ian. “No, I’m serious Ian, tell me what I just said, because…I just…like I wasn’t even thinking…god, now I’ve hurt you….Fuck.” and Ian looks up and he pulls mickey’s lips down onto his. That he wasn’t expecting.

“Marry me?” Ian speaks.

“You askin without a ring?” Mickey jokes and he is rewarded by getting hit softly on the arm.

  
“I meant, that’s what you said, jackass.” Ian rolls his eyes.

“hmm…Interesting. I don’t remember that. I do however remember you asking me. Which raises the question. Where’s my ring.” Mickey smiles playfully. He loves Ian, he loves how he can be this way with him. And so maybe getting married and living a full and happy life with this big oaf wouldn’t be so bad. And he looks up curiously when a box is flying at him.

“You want a ring. There, have a fucking ring, so you can say no anyway, and I can put it back up until I think you’ll say yes.” Ian says. There’s no anger in his words, he seems to understand that Mickey isn’t ready, but he’s also saying that he is. He wouldn’t have that damn ring if he wasn’t. So Mickey let it slip out first but Ian was completely serious about wanting to get married so instead of doing what Mickey knows Ian is expecting he jus shrugs and opens the box to find the ring sitting there, beautiful. On the top are ingraved I&M and he slips it on his finger.

“Okay,” Mickey says.

“Okay? Put the ring back Mickey, it isn’t yours yet.” Ian says.

“Bullshit if it ain’t. I didn’t say no yet. I can wear it as long as I don’t say no right?” and Ian shakes his head, stepping back to his boyfriend.

“Mickey, I love you, and I understand your trying to make light of this. You let something slip you didn’t mean, I should have just let it go. Now please take the ring off.” Ian says.

“mmmm, will I be in trouble if I don’t?” Mickey asks.

“Yes.” Ian answers and Mickey just quirks an eyebrow.

“Naked trouble?” Mickey asks, the ring still firmly on his ring finger and his clothes being pealed off by himself. “I like naked trouble.” He sing songs and Ian groans but he can’t help but like the view. His boyfriend standing there naked, with a ring that he had hoped that one day Mickey would wear. But not like this. Never like this.

  
“Please baby. Seeing in on your finger, it does something. Please.” Ian pleads, the playfulness out of his voice and face.

Mickey saunters over and pushes Ian down on the bed. He strips Ian fast, before he can protest because he’s about to do something, he is, and he wants his head to not take over and talk him out of it. For it to get into his head, what has happened, how broken he was before he and Ian got back together, but even as the things start to seep in, he remembers the nightmares, that if had been true, Ian would be gone forever.

“I want to marry you.” Mickey says. And Ian looks up at him. “I don’t want to take the ring off, I like it.”

“Is that a fucking yes?” Ian asks breathlessly.

“Depends.” Mickey says.

“On?” Ian asks.

“Are you going to pout, if this is our story? Because if you are…”

“No…No…of course not. I just don’t want you to say yes…because…”

“Because of what? I love you. Wanna go run off and get married and have a thousand babies, lets do it.” Mickey says.

“A thousand? How about like 4.” Ian says smiling.

“Four thousand? Okay man, if you insist.” He says laughing an ian shakes his head. “Do you want me to say no, so you can plan it better Ian?” Mickey’s tone goes serious. And Ian knows right there what the answer is, because Mickey only ever does this, if he’s giving Ian an out before he says anything. And Ian doesn’t want his out, he want Mickey.

  
“No, I want to marry you.” He says.

“Then we’re fucking getting married then.” Mickey says and he bounces on top of Ian and then his face contorts into a huge grin and he seems to remember that they are naked and he grabs for his lube.

Mickey doesn’t wait for ian to get a handle on himself, he starts working himself open, he knows that Ian loves watching him anyway, and he can see ian’s eyes watching the hand that a ring now sits on. He really needed to remember to go get the ring he had for Ian out of it’s hiding place. But not yet. Not yet.

“Scream for me baby.” Mickey says and then suddenly Mickey is sinking down onto him and he fulfills Mickey’s request because while Mickey starts moving on top of him, Ian is screaming out Mickey’s name, calling out for more, because he could never get enough of this man. Not in this lifetime or any other.

 

 

 

(6 months later)

“If he hide, they won’t find us,” Ian whispers.

“Ian we can not hide from your family forever. You wanted a wedding, well guess what…it includes them.” Mickey laughs.

“we can elope, we can run off an get married.”

“oh, you want to tell our sisters, we don’t need a wedding anymore? You can tell mandy, because I’m not gonna be the dead one.” He says and Ia chuckles.

“Fine. We’ll go back in there, on one condition…first I get to have you alone.” Ian smiles brightly and rolls his eyes but opens the door and peaks in.

“Yo assholes, happy planning, we’re gonna go fuck.” He yells and Ian just bursts out into laughter.

“Like that’s a surprise? Go have your fuckbreak!” Lip calls out and Mandy laughs, they had been getting a long a little more as of late. If by getting a long, you really meant fucking when they were mad at eachother. Perfectly healthy relationship in Mickey’s opinion.

Ian and Mickey made their way to their house for no interuptions. They knew they needed to get back but that didn’t stop them from taking eachother in, whispering to eachother, slowly undressing eachother, and making love all over their house. The kisses sweeter and more intense.

“Wedding planning turn you on?” Mickey asks after they are laying in bed next to eachother, running hands all over eachother.

“You becoming my husband, Is a huge turn on.” Is Ian’s answer and Mickey sees the dark cloud pass over Ian’s features before he brightens again. He does that sometimes, and mickey knows he’s remembering when they were done, an over and all that shit. He does it to sometimes, but Ian’s guilt eats at him sometimes, and the only thing that can soothe him is mickey.

  
“Baby.” He says. Ian loves when he calls him that, so right now he does. “I love you, we are getting married, and fuck the past.” He says getting a giggle out of Ian. And Ian leans in, the cloud disappearing as it usually does, on most days and he kisses Mickey.

“We should get back.” Mickey says..

“A little longer.” Ian hums and Mickey agrees. Just a little longer.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written before the shit that I call the end of season 7. Not the good parts, I liked some of it. :P 
> 
> Anyway lemme know what u think:


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